i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize