Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
