Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize