If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize