At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
