Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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