I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
