Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize