I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
