The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
