Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How's work?
Spinning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
