mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
