You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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