so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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