Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't turn off my feet"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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