dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just threw up on my dentist
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
