She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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