I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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