i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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