I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
