MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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