how can u be prego again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize