I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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