it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
