so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
