Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
