What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
