I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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