Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
