I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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