and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
