3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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