the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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