she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
