Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
