and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
