Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
