She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
