i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
