I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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