My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
