Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
