Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
