I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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