$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
True strength comes from lack of pants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
