I wish I only lived at night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
