So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
