just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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