he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize