So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
