the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
