I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
