I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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