remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
