I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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