you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
