If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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