I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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