Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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