he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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