is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
