i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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