I smell stomach acid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
