Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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