had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
